Monday, August 31, 2009
I was going to bed
and I stopped when I walked by Kayla's bed and stared at her. She was moving a little bit, then she put her hands under her head and was still. A million things were going through my head as I looked at her. "Am I going to help her pick out a dress for her first dance? Is she ever going to have a crush? I hope her little heart never gets broken. Is there somebody out there that is going to love her the way that I do?" I want to wrap her up and keep her safe with me. I touched her chubby cheek and her little arm. I kissed her bald head and went to my bed.
My eyes would not close, even though it was really late. I kept thinking about all the things that a mother and daughter go through, and I realized that I want it. I want it all. I want to help her and guide her and be her best friend. I want to help her get ready for the dance. Pick out new clothes for school.
I didn't really let it in before. I would start to think about losing her but quickly shove it back into the depths of my mind. For some reason I let it come out last night and it made me appreciate her that much more. She has taught me how to love without fear, give myself completely to someone, and that I was put here for a reason. God chose me to be her mom and I am so grateful.
Please hug your babies, smell them, feel them and love them.